If you go by the news media and the general perception of Islam, you’d think Islam doesn’t value women much.
But nothing could be further from reality.
After the oneness of Allah and the Prophethood of Muhammad ﷺ, Islam has emphasized the most on sexual discipline and a healthy family life.
This is why Islam has detailed instructions for how married couples, especially husbands, should conduct themselves with their wives.
In this article, we’ll discuss why treating your wife with respect, love, and affection is among your primary duties as a Muslim husband.
Plus, we’ll share tips to help you beautify your married life and enjoy this relationship that is the foundation of a prosperous society.
The Rights Of A Muslim Wife On Her Husband
Islam considers the husband as the leader of a family.
His wife and children must obey his instructions and consider him the head of the family.
But this leadership duty comes with lots of responsibilities.
Allah SWT instructs Muslim husbands in the Holy Quran about their wives.
وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِٱلۡمَعۡرُوفِۚ
English Translation: Treat them (your wives) with kindness
As the head of the family, a Muslim husband must serve his wife and children all the time. It is his responsibility to provide for their needs, give them shelter, ensure security, and arrange everything needed for the family.
A woman can demand a separate household for herself and her children and is not required by Islam to cook food or even feed her babies.
It’s all a husband’s responsibility.
So, contrary to what Western media portrays, a Muslim husband isn’t there to rule over his wife and family. Islam doesn’t tell husbands to pass orders while sitting in a corner of the house doing nothing.
What Islam Says About The Husband Wife Relationship
Islam wants the relationship between husbands and wives to be based on love, respect, and sacrifice instead of rights and demands.
Sure, it clearly defines the rights of men and women in a married relationship. But this relationship can only be successful when it goes beyond rules and regulations.
Islam encourages both men and women to understand each other’s perspectives and have empathy. Instead of demanding rights all the time, Islam encourages husbands and wives to fulfill their duties.
Understand that this relationship is based on sacrifice and compromise.
You won’t get the perfect man or woman in this world.
Everyone has strengths and weaknesses.
So, cherish each other’s qualities and forgive flaws. Because we aren’t perfect either.
In Surah Baqarah of the Holy Quran, Allah SWT describes the husband-wife relationship with a unique example.
هُنَّ لِبَاسٌۭ لَّكُمْ وَأَنتُمْ لِبَاسٌۭ لَّهُنَّ ۗ عَلِمَ
English: They (your wives) are a garment for you, and you (husbands) are clothing for them (Source)
What does a garment do? It covers our flaws, protects us from weather conditions, and makes us look good.
That’s exactly how husbands and wives should treat each other.
Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, who is the best example for mankind, always treated his wives with utmost care and love despite his numerous commitments and hectic life.
In one Hadith, he’s quoted as saying
خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لأَهْلِهِ وَأَنَا خَيْرُكُمْ لأَهْلِي
English Translation: “The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives.” (Source)
So, how you treat your wife is a clear indication and measure of your faith. If you’re good with your wives, you’re a good Muslim. If not, you need to work on yourself.
Why Muslim Husbands Should Treat Their Wives Like Queens
Although both husbands and wives have the responsibility of making their marriage successful, a husband should go the extra mile.
Why? Because they’re the head of the family.
But also because a woman usually goes through more emotional and physical challenges than men in a marriage.
For example, she leaves her family and comes to your house. She carries your children during pregnancy. She takes care of the household stuff and generally works harder to make your house a home.
So, you must acknowledge her role and make her feel special.
Remember, Allah chose her out of all the billions of people in this world to be your wife. Value her and show her that she’s the best thing that has ever happened to you.
This is a part of Islam.
The Prophet ﷺ used to praise his wives and even gave them the space to be upset with him.
Once, Prophet Muhammad ﷺ told Ayesha (his youngest wife and the mother of the believers), I know when you’re upset with me.
Ummul Mumineen Ayesha said how?
Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said when you’re happy with me you say I swear by the God of Muhammad.
And when you’re upset, you say I swear by the God of Abraham.
Ayesha smiled and said yes, I do that, but my heart is always filled with your love.
That’s the kind of relationship they had.
So, give your wives space.
Don’t try to be their boss. Instead, praise them and show affection so that they happily fulfill their duties instead of considering them a burden.
Tips For A Beautiful, Loving, And Romantic Married Life In Islam
If you want to live a happy and prosperous married life, here are a few tips for you. I’ve gathered these tips from some of the most pious scholars in Pakistan, India, and Saudi Arabia.
So, don’t take this advice lightly.
Instead, this is exactly in line with Islam and how it wants husbands to treat their wives.
Treat Your Wife Like You’d Want Your Daughter To Be Treated
Once, I visited a scholar before my marriage and asked him for advice. He said something that changed my perspective of this relationship forever.
He said
“Treat your wife the way you’d want your son-in-law to treat your daughter”
“You’d want him to treat your daughter with love and respect, right? Your wife is also someone’s daughter. Treat her with the same dignity”
Those were such powerful words that said so much without saying a lot.
You can’t control the future and don’t know what kind of husband your daughter will get. But you can control your present. Your wife is also someone’s daughter. If you treat her with dignity, love, and respect, Allah SWT will give you a son-in-law who does the same with your daughter insha Allah.
Use this advice as your guidance in your married life.
Be Expressive In Your Love
Most husbands love their wives. But don’t say it often enough.
Don’t make that mistake.
Expressing your love is like watering a plant.
Even if you water it a little every day, it will blossom and remain fresh.
But if you don’t water it for years and then pour gallons of water on it one day, it won’t be of any use.
So, express your love often in different ways. Tell her how important she is to your life. Tell her she’s the best thing to have happened to you. That you value everything she does for you.
Say this often in different ways to keep your relationship fresh even after years.
Give Her Respect
Most couples love each other.
But few give each other respect.
In my experience and the experience of the scholars I consulted, respecting each other as individuals is even more important than love.
A marriage can be successful without love. But it can never be successful without respect.
What does respect mean?
Respect her opinions, value her contributions, give her attention, and speak to her with dignity and respect.
Similarly, showing respect and courtesy towards her parents and siblings is also a sign of respect to your wife.
I’m not saying you should become subservient to her, no.
But treat her like you’d treat any other respectable person.
Don’t take her for granted.
Praise Her Beauty
Your wife is the world’s most beautiful woman for you.
Why? Because Allah has chosen her for you.
Allah has made it unlawful for you to look at any other woman with lust except for your wife.
So, even if she isn’t beautiful, you will find her attractive if you protect your gaze from other women.
Praise her beauty often, tell her she’s the most beautiful woman in your eyes, and make her feel special.
Don’t ridicule her or make fun of her.
This is the most damaging thing to a relationship, even if you do it jokingly.
Protect this relationship.
She’s Allah’s choice for you, don’t waste her.
Surprise Her With Gifts
Women love gifts and surprises.
So, depending on your resources, give her small gifts and surprises to keep your relationship healthy and fresh.
Prophet Muhammad ﷺ once said that giving each other gifts increases love.
It doesn’t have to be something expensive every time.
Just get the things you know she likes.
Acknowledge Her Publicly
Your wife does a lot for you.
So, don’t be shy to praise her in front of your family or other people. Make her feel proud and happy by telling the world how much she does for you.
When she hears these things from you, her confidence and motivation in life skyrockets.
Trust Her With Responsibilities
The biggest sign of respect and a healthy marriage is when you trust your wife with key responsibilities.
Tell her that you know she’s capable of handling important matters.
Give her confidence and let her make mistakes.
This helps your relationship grow and increases your bonding.
Let Her Follow Her Passions
It’s crucial for both men and women to have independent passions and projects.
Why? It gives them the space to breathe and be free.
It also makes them value each other more.
So, if your wife is good at something, let her do it as a passion project. For example, she could teach online, start an e-commerce business, design clothes, or do anything that gives her pleasure.
Beautify Yourself For Her
This is very important.
Most women beautify themselves for their husbands.
But husbands often don’t.
Big mistake.
Your wife wants you to look good.
Be a husband she can be proud of. Be someone she happily owns and proudly presents in her family.
Wear a good perfume, be specific about your attire, stay physically fit.
All of this contributes to a healthy marriage.
Be Patient and Ignore Your Wife’s Shortcomings
No matter what you do for your wives, they’ll still want more.
And that’s ok.
Don’t lose heart because of this.
It’s their nature to demand more of their husbands.
But look at the bright side.
They do so much for you and your children, their shortcomings are very small in comparison.
Be patient, and remember that no one is perfect.
You’re not perfect, and neither are your wives.
So, be each other’s garments, cover each other’s faults, and beautify each other.
If you do that, this will be the most beautiful relationship in the world.